So at the moment I’m feeling pretty awfulus. Ridiculous chest thing is coming back. The weight, the inability to breathe. Weight in all my limbs like I have concrete in my veins, to quote (grumble… why does itunes never work? stupid program…) but yeah. Feeling pretty shitty. Probably doesn’t help that my roommate/best friend/ step sister has H1N1 and im likely to get it. All I wanna do is watch one tree hill but my body wants to sleep. But like a little kid at nap time, I just don’t wanna. Hungry too, but I’ll get over it. At least I’m not the chubster I was before. God that was so gross.
Its been 2 weeks now since he last texted me. I think I’ll be over thinking about him soon. That 2 week mark. Im sad that I lost a friend like that. I was telling S (my roommate/best friend/ step sister) today that I miss the old SH (a coffee shop/ smoke shop with a pool table, great music, and good atmosphere). I miss play fighting with nick and mike. How they would just pick us up and throw us over their shoulders and laugh while we struggle. Or beating eachother up with pool sticks. Or poking eachother to throw off shots. The banter, the wit, the fuzzy feeling of having close friends. And good coffee. God they make the best coffee there. Or mixed drinks rather. They say the list of hidden menu items is over 500 drinks. That’s craziness. But now I dont even want to go back there. Because its basically his turf, and I dont want to feel awkwarkd and then sad that he isnt talking to me. I wish it had ended as friends… I wish he had never done that stuff to anyone. I wish he wasnt such a black hole of despair. Everytime I see couples on One Tree Hill (OTH) I feel a twinge that I wish I had someone like that. Someone to talk to, cuddle with. Be silly with. Hangout with. But I know that with my focus on school lockdown its hard.
But I feel like I cant meet anyone. I want a girl really. Someone to take care of. Someone to wrap my arms around and protect. I want to admire her and fawn over her. But at this point I would take a guy too. I decided today to talk to more strangers. Little conversations. Maybe I’ll meet someone that way. Or just to practice flirting. Or just interacting. I’m not even sure how to meet someone. I did strike up the courage to talk to a guy I had my eye on today, only to find that he isnt as attractive as I first thought. He reminded me of Mick from Moonlight. (that show was amazing! I cant believe they took it off….those ass clowns.*eye roll*) Not sure not sure. But hopefully my weight improvement plan helps. And taking my old attitude off the shelf and using it. Why it ended up there, I have no idea.
Basically, that was my day. I think im getting the chills now. I’m freezing but im sure the room is warm. It always is. Great. Swine flu. I think Im going to read my psych book now, take some notes. I missed that class today too. :/
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